Mutual Flourishing
Disagreeing well
Acts
A Case
for Mutual Flourishing from a Liberal
Catholic.
When Paul and
Barnabas had a major argument and debate with them,
the church appointed Paul and Barnabas and some others from among them to go up
to meet with the apostles and elders in Jerusalem about this point of
disagreement.
Acts 15:2
There was such a sharp disagreement that
they parted company, and Barnabas took Mark with him and sailed off to Cyprus.
Acts 15:39
But they simply had some points of disagreement with him about their own religion and about a dead man, Jesus, whom Paul asserted to be alive.
Acts 25:19
So being in disagreement with one another, they
began to leave [after] Paul made one statement: "The Holy Spirit spoke
rightly through the prophet Isaiah to your fathers.
Acts 28:25
As a member of general Synod, it’s fair to suggest the 2023
February sitting of Synod was a bruising encounter with over eight hours of
discussion regarding the subject of, gay marriage, blessing of same sex
relationships and so in. Between those theologically opposed, and those
theologically in favour. Synod with all its traditions was never going to
obtain unanimous agreement. However, in the main it did argue well, respect was
given by both sides of the discussion, voices were heard, amendments were debated,
which led to the decision that prayers would be offered for same sex relationships and be approved if clergy were comfortable to use them. Of course, the
Archbishops were keen to emphasise that no change to marital doctrine was being
considered, and the position would remain that marriage in church would only be
allowed between a man and a woman.
For the record I am a member of Inclusive church, and in
support of same sex relationships, and ultimately would like to find a way to
enabling that to happen.
However, this document is not about the ‘argument’ it is
about the ‘arguing’ and wanted to share a few thoughts through my own little
exploration of a few examples in the book of Acts.
Above you will note some passages from Acts chapters 15-28,
and I invite the reader to take a browse to potentially consider how we might disagree
better with the goal of enabling us all to allow for mutual flourishing to
occur. To my mind mutual flourishing is the only way the church can live in
tension with so many differences of opinion particularly when it comes to same
sex relationships.
I don’t know if you are a fan of footy, or any sport really,
but something I really don’t take to very well, is the player who dives to the
ground, rolls around in agony, screaming out in anger only to be given a yellow
card for play acting. There is nothing worse than an overdramatic attempt to convince
someone, that the incident, was the truth the whole truth and nothing but the
truth.
This is something we can all get caught up in to win the argument
and this is witnessed in Acts by an attempt by the Jews to stop the gentiles
from effectively becoming Christians. Such was the vigour to stop Christian
conversion people went to extremes spouting nonsense, inflammatory language and
hurt.
Some people will go to extraordinary lengths to prevail an argument,
and I urge empathy and compassion to replace a diatribe of arrogance and hostility.
Dramatizing events on both sides of any argument, is perhaps a natural survival instinct,
and one that can be rather entertaining but perhaps futile in an attempt to
disagree well. In Synod, one Conservative Bishop went as far to suggest it wasn’t the
argument that was rejected but the tone of the argument which was refuted. Wise
counsel to anyone, perhaps seeking to gain favour by such behaviour, with methods
that would be revered in a theatre but maybe less so in a debating chamber such as
Synod.
'Sharp’ disagreement
was basically caused by a man trying to persuade men to worship something that
was considered contrary to the law. A bit like the Aussie tennis player Nick
Kyrgios trying to convince the Umpire the ball was in when it was clearly a foot
over the base line. In the Bible account this caused a rift of more than ten
years. And In tennis terms if Kyrgios continually mouthed off and ranted for a
whole match, it would be considered as bringing the game into disrepute and he could
receive, a penalty, a fine or a significant ban.
In mutual flourishing
terms, maybe it’s best to say one’s bit and let that be inwardly digested by
all those who want to receive it with the intent it is delivered. I always feel
we are at our worst when we are in the heat of an argument. Nobody wants to
back down, insistent on having the last word, because to back down, might suggest weakness or
defeat.
For those who
don’t backdown, or those who disagree, an unlimited disagreement is not good, for the ‘self’
the ‘institution’ or the ‘future’ of the church. The common ground to be shared
is, we love each other but on certain matters we don’t agree, we probably never will. but we can live together with the difference for the sake of the church. And more importantly for
Jesus with whom we can all agree, and that he wants the best for all his people.
And of course, that has carried on through the centuries, hasn’t it? Should everyone be virgins at the point of marriage? Would it be right for an old man to marry a teenage girl fresh out of high school? Or should a Jew marry a Christian, or a Christian marry a Muslim and so on, and so on.
For so many
doing right by the religion is essential to Christian discipleship and as
someone who has many old fashion values as part of my very being, I have
enormous sympathy when it comes to upholding values around morality and ethics.
But for many the reality of life is very different. For example I had no religious upbringing, I didn't step in a church until l was 40 years old. I became sexually active in my teens and was radically opposed to marriage because making a lifelong commitment to anybody at a young age was beyond the maturity of my mind and completely out of the question. In Christian terms, I was sinning way before I had any understanding of what it might mean to live a celibate life in the eyes of God. On the other hand I’ve also seen numerous marriages break down and disintegrate into a life of misery and ruin. I truly don’t believe God would want anyone to be subjected to such misery just because once married, divorce is out of the question forever.
If St Paul was a footballer he would probably have been one the
greatest defenders like, Bobby Moore, Alan Hansen, Rio Ferdinand and so on. Paul
had all the characteristics of outstanding leadership, resilient, determined,
hardworking, faithful etc etc. During General
Synod I sat through days and days, hours and hours, of extraordinary faithfulness
from all sides of a theological argument. I witnessed tears and toll on peoples
faces. I watched people suffocated by the plausibility or implausibility of an argument.
It’s clear that the argument of same sex relationships is difficult and
painful. It clear that I’m in disagreement with leaders from my own Diocese.
Does it mean I can’t work with them? Does it mean I have to be unkind to them?
Does it mean I have to demean them or insult them? No, it doesn’t, I could, but
why would I?
I have my own thoughts about same sex relationships as I
have made clear, and that is for another discussion. In the real world I of
course would prefer us to find common ground, to work together and live
together in the same Church of England Space. Can we do that? Well, I can, and
it will be for others to decide if they can as well.
Will the truth prevail? Well, I’m not sure about the Church
of England, its decline is painful at times, and the disagreements may well be
the things that destroy us and that would probably be the biggest travesty of all.
Ultimately how we are listening, and
speaking, thinking and doing, will determine if we have a bright future together
or not. To make progress there has to be room for everyone at the table.
For one, I certainly hope and pray that we can all gather at the Lord's table, both in and out of agreement, but never, out of love for one another.
Hope this helps, if only a little.
Alex
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